God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
