It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
