My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
