I just cut my nipple shaving
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
