on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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