dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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