Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
