it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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