I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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