so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
are you so shy because you have an std?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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