Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
