Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
