Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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