i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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