ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
