I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
