i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
