i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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