theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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