well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
