Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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