We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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