the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
