yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
