No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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