i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You did what with his pubic hair?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
