I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize