Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we're making bets on your personal life
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize