OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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