yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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