If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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