you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
