what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
