Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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