Just mADE A PArabola og urine
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
