stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
