bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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