He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
