I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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