your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
