i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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