After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
