At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
