My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
