Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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