I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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