It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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