I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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