i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
