i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
