He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
