Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
