I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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