You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
