He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
