I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
