yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
