I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize