Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
