he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she peed on how many people?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
