i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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