we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
