You're so nebulous sometimes
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
