Are we in a gay sports bar?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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