only if we run a train.
done.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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