If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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