VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
