i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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