I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize