I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize