All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
