I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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