and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
this hospital has no fireball
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
